"Just a bit of sillyness really"

I call myself a writer but I'm brave enough to admit that eloquently brilliant words and phrases do not just automatically flow in one long string from my brain through my wrist into my pen and onto my paper.

Sometimes I have to work on it just like other people.

And one of the ways I work on it is by playing writing games with myself. Yes, I do play with myself - its one of those things you learn to do well when you have no friends. A common writing prompt is to write a free-verse poem in some sort of established structure: you fill a certain shape, or all the words have to have the same number of letters, or you can't use the letter "e" in any word, or it all follows a particular rhythm. One of my favorites is to put the letters A-Z down the side of a page and then write, making each new line start with a word beginning with that next letter in the alphabet.

I came across one of these exercises in my journal tonight. I wrote it roughly 8 months ago.

attitudes arise within me threatening to
break out of the bonds I've submerged them under
causing
drops of blood
everywhere inside. and I'm leaking
feeling dissipates, like I'm
going numb from the extremities inward. only
heartbeats
imitating a life. but its a lie
just another pretend
keeping secrets locked away
like I don't really care about them. but...
maybe...hm...maybe
not.
over. I just want everything to be over.
people are shallow. I want to
quit this. quit school. quit life
run away, just
show up
there. home. I want to go home.
understanding is just past my reach. It's like I'm on the
verge of enlightenment. of assurance. of stability.
wait. be still. search for the sign, the arrow, the big
X that marks the spot
yes? oh. thank you. how embarrassing to be caught with your
zipper down.

I think I had watched a deeply symbolic movie just prior to writing that - something like The Fountain. I like it though.

I followed it up with a catchy little limerick:

I want to go home to bed.
I'd gladly just shoot them all dead.
We can't get through a scene
They just laugh and they scream
We'll never get one full act read.

And I completed the writing exercises of the night with this haiku (you can see how productive I am during rehearsals...):

I live in grey shades
Like wherever Dorothy lives
I want some color

And on that note, I bid you all goodnight.