the Coxsackie Virus, Charlie visits, and Character Notes

Nothing like a good alliteration in the morning.
Well, its afternoon now, but I came up with it in the morning.

Yesterday I finally went to the doctor. Its been over 2 weeks since I got sick, and it wasn't getting remotely better, so off to the doctor I went. With my mom. Because I refuse to go to the doctor by myself and probably always will. I saw a different doctor than normal - a female doctor actually, and one who doesn't know anything about biggest traumas of my life - which was quite a refreshing change. I explained my symptoms and was feeling a bit embarrassed about saying for the second time that my only main problem was a horribly sore throat, that in reality only hurts in patches. I figured I'd get one of those doctor looks that said "its a sore throat. Take some Motrin. Don't waste my time." But she took her little light and looked in my mouth for all of one second when she said.
"Oh my. You have the Coxsackie virus."

I'm sure everyone reading this knows what that is. But neither my mother nor I was so medically inclined, so the doctor informed us that having the Coxsackie virus means that I have horribly nasty blisters all along my throat. It's known to be extremely painful and to last for weeks. She couldn't believe that I had waited this long to come in so she's going right ahead and giving me the strong meds now.
"Because from a look at those blisters, you need it."

So, I'm on a course of steroids - one a pill, one a topical anesthesia type thing - to try to help reduce the symptoms as quickly as possible since there is nothing to do for the virus itself. I have mood swings, increased appetite, and weight gain to look forward to for the course of the medication. I don't even care. I just want to feel better and not feel like I'm willingly participating in self-torture every time I decide to swallow.


In happier news:
I have to say that my favorite time of the week is a span of 30 minutes on Tuesday afternoons. After my directing class I have exactly half an hour until I have to leave for work, and every week I spend that time with my nephew Charlie. We play, we talk, we dance, we walk and look at things (the same things, over and over), we cuddle, we laugh, we snack, we use our imaginations, we play with the range of our voices and funny sounds we can make, we walk hand in hand. He is probably the only person that I can always make smile with a genuine "I'm beaming because I can't help it" smile and it warms my heart. He has no stress, and hanging out with him brings down my stress level. On Tuesdays, which are my hardest days by far, it is so nice to have that one half of an hour to put everything back into perspective by seeing things with the help of my favorite one year old ever. Thanks Charlie. I love you!


Before rehearsal last night, Megan and I were talking about the harsh reality of rehearsal notes. Sometimes at the end of a run through, they can be a huge blow to your ego, because most notes are about something you should fix or change, and so they point out all your flaws and mistakes of the night. I mentioned that this is when I as an actor have to remember to trust my director completely and to try to turn my perspective on each note into a positive one and as a way to learn my craft, and improve, and to impress the next time we rehearse. Rehearsal notes build my character in the practical terms of the stage play, but also my personal character and my character as an actor. It is a process, a journey, and when embraced as such, those notes are what causes something beautiful, influential, and potentially life-changing to be achieved.

God gives us character notes too. I met a friend for a coffee house chat and the conversation was permeated with things that God has taught each of us over the last year since we've talked, and what changes have been made. It struck me that personal devotions and corporate worship and your times with God in between are like the character notes directors give to actors at the end of rehearsal. God speaking to your heart through His Word or a sermon or something else and saying "I'm noticing this isn't quite right. Change it to be more like this, to be more like Me." It is a hard thing, a painful thing, because it confronts us with our own sin and our failures and gives us something we have to struggle with for a time. But if we can remember that we trust God completely as the director of our lives, then we can let these notes help us grow and improve in our Christian life. God's character notes shape us into our ultimate character - the person He designed all along for us to be. It is a process and a journey, but it is promised that at the end of our time, something truly beautiful, truly influential, and truly life-changing will be achieved.